


The Road Home

by cptredbann



Series: The Road Home [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Ellie (The Last of Us) Needs a Hug, F/F, Forgiveness, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Slow Romance, The Last of Us Spoilers, the road home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptredbann/pseuds/cptredbann
Summary: ****** Warning Spoilers for the ending of the Last of Us Part II ******The long and treacherous road Ellie takes from California to Wyoming was made bearable by the thought of being home. When she arrived, however, Dina and her son, JJ, were nowhere to be found.  The question before her now was where do you go when all that makes you feel at home is gone?
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: The Road Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914262
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Absolution](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860392) by [spitfiresparrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitfiresparrow/pseuds/spitfiresparrow). 



I do not have a PS4 because I am an avid PC gamer, but I am a sucker for a good story. Enter The Last of Us and The Last of Us Part II. Be forewarned that I am not one of those avid fanatics of the series who have formed emotional attachments to the characters (Ellie and Dina this does not apply to you two) and will die on the hill that is the controversial story of The Last of Us Part II. Due to the lack of PS4 , I have never played either game myself but rather watched with rapt attention at other's game plays. Nevertheless, I will treat this world, work, and these characters with the utmost care and respect that I can muster. 

I do not know about you, but the ending of the Last of Us Part II ruined my heart and soul for the foreseeable future. It is in an ineffable feeling that has settled onto my mind, body, and soul when I look back on the ending scenes and the story as a whole.  
This work is written in response to several things:  
1\. My dead heart after the beating it received watching the gameplay and story unfold.  
2\. A fan fiction written by someone called spitfiresparrow over on archive of our own. It has been a great work thus far and I hope you all go over to check it out. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860392?view_full_work=true 

3\. A need for self-therapy.  
So welcome readers. I hope you enjoy and find that your heart can find itself home at last. 

Special thanks to those who have recorded their gameplay and the many Wikipedia articles that are the source of this work. 

\----  
"And if we cannot stand ourselves - if we fear, and I think we do, that even to look at who we are would be too painful to bear - how do we live?

We don’t really. We survive. We get from day to day, propelled by fear, grabbing for what we think we need, and never truly know what would heal this spiritual void.

We do not flourish, or grow, or become the people we have the potential to be. We lose our capacity to give or let anyone near, because we have closed ourselves off even from ourselves.

Who can I be to you, if I am a stranger to myself?

How can I connect with you, if I am divorced from myself?

If I cannot face the truth of who I am, how can I truly see you?" - Marya Hornbacker


	2. The Road Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season - Fall
> 
> \---  
> "Wait for me or wait for me not, just know I will wait for you until beyond the world's stop."  
> The Road goes ever on and on  
> Down from the door where it began.  
> Now far ahead the Road has gone,  
> And I must follow, if I can,  
> Pursuing it with eager feet,  
> Until it joins some larger way  
> Where many paths and errands meet.  
> And whither then? I cannot say. – JRR Tolkien

The farm was not far from Jackson. It was the appeal of the farmhouse when they decided to move there.

However, the familiar evergreens and golden fields felt foreign this time with a chill wind that held more biting cold than a normal fall even with the sun out. A malevolent force with one goal - to stretch out the road back to Jackson in ways that the journey back from California never could.

The road toward home from California seemed infused with Hope itself. It lived in the very air she breathed and bound itself in each bird song because this road home led to Dina and JJ. This hope quickly gave way like spring before the oppressive heat of summer at the possibility of actually seeing Dina again. The variables and influential factors that might affect their reunion were innumerable. Over the many miles, Ellie had imagined their various reunions with an almost religious frequency. There were smiles of course and a wave of overwhelming relief which crashed over her heart as if it could wash away the multitude of her sins. Tears and hugs would follow with a warmth that spread from the very center of her being to the tips of her fingers – what was left of her fingers - and that would be enough.

Yet in all these dreams, never had she imagined she would find her house devoid of what had made it home.

This version of reality was of course within the realm of possibilities Ellie had considered, but definitely not one she had chosen to dwell on. Dwelling there meant that the storm clouds building on the horizons of her heart would threaten to overwhelm the already tattered and worn vessel resting therein. No, her very survival depended on the hope of seeing them again.

Nevertheless, she found the house filled with its empty chairs, empty rooms, and an empty bed. The silence that followed her from empty room to empty room brought with it a terror that was unmatched by even the sound of gunfire which had surrounded her entire life.

Ellie could hear their last conversation echoing in her mind.

-I love you-

\- Prove it – stay -

\- I can’t. -

In the end, her choice had cost her so much more than her fingers. It cost her heart and soul if what they said about love was to be believed about your heart living outside of you.

\- Fuck. I have royally fucked this up. - 

\------  
Jackson’s eastern gate rose on the road to meet her and the tempestuous chaos in the pit of her stomach seemed to increase as she neared the checkpoint. Dina had made it abundantly clear, that she did not want to see Ellie again as evidenced by the erasure of any human life inside the house aside from Ellie’s possession. This did not stop the burning need for Ellie to find Dina or at least see that she and JJ were okay. If that’s the reunion Dina would permit, then that would be enough. It was more than Ellie deserved and she knew that. 

The gate was practically in front of her now and upon closer inspection, the two people on guard duty were at least familiar enough with her to permit her entrance, but stranger enough to not ask the questions she did not want to answer, let alone know how to answer. 

As the gates slid open, they revealed a Jackson in its last frenzied throes of life after the end of the world before the night would fall. Families were walking home from various stores, friend’s homes, and dinners. Children were seen running up and down the street playing games while avoiding their parent’s calls for bed. 

Ellie closed her eyes before turning away from the scene before her and pointed her feet toward the one place where she could find reprieve.  
\------  
The sounds of dead leaves gasped their last cries as Ellie wandered through the walkways of the graveyard past the old, worn markers. She did not look up from the ground as her feet carried her towards the spot which would forever be burned in the front of her mind. What felt like an eternity passed before her feet came to a stop in front of the headstone reading Joel Miller.

\- The ground is flat - Ellie noted as she knelt down to brush the old leaves that collected around the headstone like a blanket. Her hands shook when the job was done and she clenched them into fists to stop the water that threatened to flood over the rims of eyelashes. The storm turned inward before passing uneasily into the horizon.

Several moments passed before Ellie could muster, “Hey old man, I got you something from California.”

Sloughing off her backpack, Ellie haltingly opened the main compartment and pulled out a battered tin mug and a brown sack. The mug had a faded cartoon dragon printed on it with the label “Tea Rex”. She emptied the contents from the brown sack into the mug and the sound of the brown beans echoed a deafening symphony among the quite of the yard. 

“I read coffee’s good for growing shit,” Ellie smiled as she stuffed some nearby flowers into the coffee bean planter. 

Ellie placed the cup in front of the headstone with care as the ghost of the smile faded from her lips. Sighing, Ellie closed her eyes to the sight of red rain splattering her face and the her hands. With a gasp, she jumped into a ready position heart pounding in her ears. Looking wildly around and seeing no other living thing, Ellie gasped rattling breaths to recenter herself. She brings her hand to her chest and slows the jagged breathing just like Dina taught her and the world seems to slow down around her.

“Don’t stay up all night drinking now,” Ellie whispers to the ground. “I have one more person I need to say hello to.”  
\-----  
Jesse’s headstone was devoid of leaves unlike Joel’s had been. The grey stone of it seemed to glow white in the dark of night which had fallen. In silence as Ellie made her way over here. 

“Hey Jesse.”

“It’s been a year. I went to California you know.”

Ellie slumps down wilting into a seated position with her back against the ice-cold of the headstone.

“I went to California and I came - came back. FUCK!”

Ellie grabbed forcefully at the roots of her hair as the tears which threatened to fall earlier came storming down to water the earth. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You were better - so much better.”

Ellie’s soft and shuddering breathes echoed unanswered into the silence of the graveyard. In the dark, time passed with invisible hands and before she knew it, she had drifted off to sleep with Jesse’s headstone as her pillow.  
\-----  
Morning came with its fall cold embrace and -  
"What the hell?" Dina whispered while Maria simultaneously said, "Ellie?"  
Ellie, who had only moments before began to leave the deeper stages of sleep, started awake looking rapidly around for the source of the sound. Her eyes landed on Maria before landing on Dina then widening into saucers. Ellie quickly shoved her damaged hand into her pocket before stiffly moving to stand. Ellie had to make several attempts as vertigo from the seated sleeping position crashed over her body in waves.  
When she finally made it to standing the atmosphere had warmed considerably and definitely not from the ambient temperature. Maria's weather-worn face was quickly moving from Ellie to Dina as her harms hovered at her sides unsure if they would be needed to pull Dina off of Ellie. Dina's face looked like a snowstorm with her eyes flashing like lightning bolts whereas Ellie appeared to wither like a fern in the face of the desert sun.  
"I had to see if you were ok - if JJ was ok," Ellie finally said.  
"Fuck you," Dina seethed.  
"I missed you every day I was out there," Ellie tried.  
"No," Dina shouted. "You do not get to this".  
Dina paced back and forth with her hand moving frantically through her hair.  
"F-fuck that. I hate you," Dina whimpered as she looked away hands on her hips as a single tear trailed down her golden skin.  
Ellie shuffled her feet while she awkwardly fiddled with the bracelet on her right hand.  
"I'll leave. You'll never have to see me again," Ellie conceded blinking furiously. "I'm sorry."  
Dina glared furiously. Ellie wavered shifting from one foot to the other. After a pained expression passed over Ellie's face, she turned her back to Dina and with some difficulty removed the bracelet with her left hand before placing it on Jesse's headstone.  
"I'll be going now - ehm - thank you for this," Ellie croaked barely turning her head toward Maria and Dina.  
Without looking back at both women Ellie strode quickly away and out of the graveyard as if with speed herself she could outrun the storm which was brewing on the horizons of her heart. She only made it to the surrounding wall when she heard the sound of labored breath and heavy footfalls. As she turned, Ellie's eyebrows shot into her tangle of bangs when she saw Maria jogging up to her.  
"Come on, let's get you something to eat," Maria said as she slowed to keep pace with Ellie. "You look like shit."


	3. Breakfast Examinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a tense breakfast as tense reunions just keep coming coming, coming coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hell is other people” - Sarte

“Two glasses of whiskey and a couple of bowls of chicken soup,” Maria ordered and giving Ellie a quick glance before adding, “extra chicken ok Seth.”

Seth’s face seemed to sour into a deeper frown than Ellie figured was humanly possible until this point. Nevertheless, he slouched off to the back room to begin preparing the meal. Even if it was only about eight in the morning, the pub was filled with the morning workers of Jackson. Ellie had both hands shoved deeply into what remained of her pockets and her back so slouched down on her wooden chair that it practically touched the seat. People still stared. They looked at her and looked away and then looked back before a myriad of shocked expressions passed over their faces. The room which Ellie remembered would be filled with a dull chatter as people moved by each other on their way to various chores. Today, it was quiet except for a flurry hisses as people whispered to each other in waves as each person realized the prodigal child had returned from far off lands.  
Maria turned to face Ellie without any indication that she heard the brood of vipers hissing all around her. Ellie glowered at the corner of the worn square table between them because Maria was Maria and Jackson folk were Jackson folk.  
“When was the last time you ate,” Maria asked.  
Ellie did not answer at first, but Maria had this air about her. You could wait, but she could wait longer. You could think ahead, but she would think ahead farther.  
“I don’t know, a week or so ago,” Ellie waved away.  
“I figured,” Maria commented grudgingly. “Before we grow old and die Seth!”  
Seth who had only just emerged from the back room with a steaming bowl of soup and another gave Ellie a disapproving glare before shuffling over to their table with their meal.  
“The drinks,” Maria reminded.  
The crusty old man grunted before he moved on back behind the worn bar to begin preparing the drinks. Maria slowly took up the spoon and stirred her soup as vapor rose quickly in a spiraling dance from its surface. Ellie who had already surmised that her soup was colder than a stone in midwinter began wolfing down the meal . - of course the asshole would still be an asshole-.  
The seconds passed in silence as Seth rummaged around the bar fiddling with glasses and bottle lids. After what must have been an eternity and a half, Seth shuffled back to the table where Ellie was pointedly avoiding eye contact with him and plunked down two chipped coffee mugs of whiskey.  
“Glasses were dirty,” Seth gruffed.  
“Thank you,” Maria replied cheerily.  
With one backward side-eye at Ellie, Seth nodded and padded off back behind the beaten bar to judge from afar without fear of being contaminated by Ellie’s “poisonous” presence.

\---  
Time seemed to move slower than a snail and the conversation was non existent in the moments following the serving of the whiskey. After the initial ravenous gulps of soup, Ellie made a conscious effort to eat slowly and sip tentatively at the whiskey. Maria moved the spoon to and from her mouth with several furtive glances up at Ellie, which Ellie pretended to ignore, as the idea of breaking the silence ping-ponged in her brain.  
“How was California,” Maria tried.  
“Hot as hell,” Ellie stated.  
“Was it hell,” Maria probed.  
“Kind of,” Ellie granted.  
The second phase of silence presented itself. This time the tension which had been building with each exchange seemed to reach its peak and surpass it with each passing second. The verbal stalemate was strong and Ellie certainly was not going to be the one to break it.  
“You going to stay or not,” Maria asked.  
Ellie’s face flushed and her heart rate underwent a noticeable increase as warm waves of panic washed over her. Her eyes danced wildly around the room searching for a way to avoid eye contact with Maria. Shifting in her seat, Ellie fiddled with the fabric of her pocket with the left hand which had not escaped said pocket since she had entered Jackson’s public eye.  
“No,” Ellie mumbled back.  
Maria sighed and broke eye contact with Ellie as her arms folded into themselves on the table before her.  
“I don’t know what you expected,” Ellie huffed. “Dina made it abundantly clear that she wants nothing to do with me. I’m just a reminder of all that I took from her.”  
“And you think the only person in Jackson who would want you here is that girl,” Maria countered sharply.  
Ellie just toyed with the spoon before reaching her right hand to the back of her neck.  
“I don’t know, you don’t need me here,” Ellie conceded.  
“Perhaps, but I want you here”, Maria admitted.  
Ellie was struck by how the impenetrable wall that Maria built around her crumbled every so slightly at that admission. She could not meet Ellie’s eyes and her hands would not sit still. Even when she was confronting her about leaving for Tommy and Washington she still commanded from the high tower of her indestructible personality.  
“What’s wrong,” Ellie breathed.  
“It’s still the end of the world Ellie,” Maria sighed. “What’s rest of the world would eat itself up in a heartbeat if it could. I have lost Joel and I have lost Jesse. That’s two patrol leaders. Then Tommy left and you left and Dina. You all came back, but then you left again, and now Tommy’s gone. Dina was not the only one who hated you for leaving. I just need one thing to remain constant alright. You - you’re the only one left now that I can stand.”  
The silence hung in the air with enough weight to crush the building storm which would have Ellie run deep into the woods and never leave until she died.  
“I’ll do it,” Ellie said. “I’ll stay, but I will not work with Dina.”  
“That can be arranged,” Maria accepted.


End file.
